'Strawberry Roan' 2005

24 X 24 X 1.5" 

Acrylic on canvas

SOLD

Wingate collection, Tucson AZ

This is 'Shortcake, the strawberry roan'  ©. She is one of 3 horses I created in 2005. She, along with 'LaLa, the appaloosa' ©, and 'Firefly, the grey Chincoteague' ©, have always shown up in my equine paintings since then. They are the horses I never got to have as a kid.

Today I seem to be stuck. Mired. Motionless. Blocked. I simply can't paint a thing I like and I'm pretty sure I know why. Today I find myself caught up in the dreaded comparison trap. 

"You shouldn't compare yourself to the best that others do."...author unknown

That's the first line from 55,  a note I posted on my 56th birthday summing up some of life's lessons that I've learned while having the privilege of spending 5.5 decades living on this marvelous/perilous planet!

You shouldn't compare yourself to the best that others do. 

I find that if I start to compare my paintings with the work of those artists that I'm most in awe of,  I open the door and invite in for a spell, one of an artist's worst enemies, the self-doubt monster. And while he's visiting, his influence on my painting is paralyzing. The faster I show him the door, the better. By allowing myself to be inspired, not intimidated, by the the work of my favorite artists, I come away lighter, free to let myself explore where I fit into the big picture.

How boring if all artists painted exactly alike. I have a friend whose paintings hang all over her own house. She does beautiful landscapes. But her palette rarely changes, her style stays consistent. While I'm visiting, I find myself looking for that one painting that's a bit different. Her paintings, when hung with other artist's, stand out. But walls and walls of just her stuff leaves me searching for something.

In this big old art gallery of a world, there's plenty of room on the walls for all of us. Explore! Learn from others. Be inspired by others, but be careful not to put out your creative fire by comparing your work to the best of the best.  We all have something to offer!

Ahhh..sometimes, just putting things into words helps. So now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a monster who needs to be shown the door.

 click to enlarge

"THIRSTY" 2006
20" x 24"

acrylic on canvas

SOLD

Cardoso Iken collection, Manassas, VA

"There are days when I feel I could paint the Sistine chapel and, then, there are days when I'm not sure I could trace a stick figure.... the only difference between those days is my state of mind"~ Jenna Millward Corkill© 

Struggling again, with the day to day stuff. Trying to digest and come to terms with my daughter and her family moving away, taking the last 3 grandkids I have living here in Tucson to Colorado Springs. My son moved there 4 years ago and I still struggle with bouts of sadness, missing him and my other 7 grandkids something fierce. 

Modern technology, facebook, skype and such, will help keep us connected over the miles, but like Marvin Gaye sang years ago "Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby, ain't nothing like the real thing". I miss my kids and family!!

My daughter's potential departure has left me in a daze. I'm not mentally present when I'm painting and the canvas results reflect that. And while I am still working on several paintings, I did not get one finished this last week. I'm trying to use the "mind over matter' approach, but the matter ain't minding.

So, once again, to keep this blog visually interesting, I am posting a painting from my archives. This originally posted August 23, 2008 and features 'Shortcake, the strawberry roan' ©, taking a sip of water. 

Of the 3 paintings I'm currently working, one is a waterscape, with water vaguely similar to that found in "Thirsty". I'm hoping that swirling streaks of beautiful colors on canvas will help put these sad thoughts out of my head and let me get a painting finished.

" Do not take for granted, each opportunity to stop and smell a rose."
~ Jenna Millward Corkill ©


©
click image to enlarge

"Forever Autumn"1997
Detail of 22" round Art Glass Panel
178 glass pieces...with small faceted Topaz jewels in flower's circular center.

I have fallen in love with my studio again.

Two years ago, I lost my sense of smell. Suddenly. Completely.
The cause could have been a side effect of a nasty med I had taken for a stomach issue at the time, or my chronic sinusitis. No telling, but after that first scentless year, I sadly resolved myself to the fact that it was probably gone for good.

Gone for good!? My sense of smell! The, makes food taste better and, lets you know when the dog needs a bath, sense? Forever lost, the smells that trigger a sense of well being, happiness, warm memories? Fresh coffee brewing, cookies baking, a favorite soap, a freshly bathed baby, the smell of glazing dap and paint? Yep, gone, along with all of life's other little aroma therapies I now desperately wished I hadn't taken for granted. Yep, it was gone, and after two years of not being able to smell anything, I figured, definitely gone for good.

Then, unexpectedly, about two months ago, I caught a brief whiff of my morning coffee brewing! It was fleeting, but I definitely smelled it! Delicious! Through out that week, other scents would surprise me briefly and I began to cautiously hope that maybe, just maybe, the mysterious loss of smell might just as mysteriously, be coming back.

Happily, now almost everyday, I notice a new smell that I'd thought was lost forever.

Yesterday, when I walked into my studio, one of those long lost favorite smells was waiting for me. Glazing dap! Paint! Turpentine! That unique, blended, workshop smell that an Art Glass/Painting studio developes over time. Delicious! Dizzying! Heaven!

And a perfect reason to feature one of my Art Glass panels and my studio today.

My studio is a good size, 14' x 18', with half of it occupied by my art glass... 3 work benches, several glass storage bins filled with small to good size sheets of glass, tools, light tables and such. I haven't worked on any new art glass in the last 6 years, but I can't seem to bring myself to say I'm done with that form of expression. If and when I do, I'll have a heck of a painting studio, with tons of room, but for now I'm OK with being a little cramped in here.

I simply love the smell of my cozy studio and every single time I walk back in there, I feel peaceful... and thankful, for the gift of smell, which I will never take for granted again.


click image to enlarge

This photo shows the amazing glow that my art glass panel "Forever Autumn", produces when the afternoon sun begins to set behind it... the entire studio is filled with brilliant red, orange and gold streaks....it is truly breathtaking and one of my favorite times of day to be in my studio. If you look closely at my easel you can see I was working on 'NIGHT NIGHT LITTLE SIS' at the time I took this picture.

click image to enlarge

"Cabo San Lucas"2004
ACRYLIC ON 14" X 18" X 3/4" GALLERY STRETCHED CANVAS
SOLD
Private collection, Tulsa, OK

"Nature is a revelation of God; Art a revelation of man."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"You see what you want to see,
and you hear, what you want to hear."~Harry Nilsson

a question of balance

"Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."~ Robert Fulgram

Where did last year go?....it's a blur.

My studio and painting took a back seat for sure.... I only listed one new painting in my Ebay store... for lots of reasons.

I got more organized... went through years of life's paper scraps and souvenirs... got the VHS transferred to DVD... worked on organizing a lifetime of photos.

I spent time stretching my creative muscles on home projects....wall murals, carpentry and sewing.... I started and more importantly, finished, numerous things I'd been thinking about doing for years.

I spent lots of time with my musical interests... I played bass more... and I watched my husband make music.... his band played A LOT and I was at every gig....he really is an amazing singer and guitar player and watching him perform is one of my favorite things.

Painting can take up a good deal of my time... this time last year, I found that spending more time with Brian was at the top of my new year's wish list.... or at the very least, to spend less time in my studio when he is home... we are not promised tomorrow, and should not take for granted time spent with our loved ones.

The kitchen also took a bigger bite of studio time.... another 2009 goal was to start eating healthier which meant more time in the kitchen fixing 'good for us' food.

A snippet of my 2009 heaven on earth was sitting with Brian, on the couch, a plateful of yummy dinner balanced in our laps, watching all our tevoed telly faves... also his and her's remotes. :0)

But, I missed painting... I missed my studio... more than I thought.

So where the heck am I going with all this?

Well, there are things like the “couch potato evenings” or the "numerous gigs" or the “sharing the same book” stuff that I’ve gotta keep, but spending more time painting is high on my 2010 new year's list.

Because, after all, this is an artblog......I just have to find a balance. :O)

"I rarely feel 'over the hill' which is why i'm always caught a little off guard by how, sometimes, just a few words from one of my kids can make me feel 'over the mountain' :o)"~Jenna Millward Corkill©

Believe;
intransitive verb
1 a: to have a firm religious faith ~ b: to accept as true, genuine, or real
2: to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something

"There are days when I feel I could paint the Sistine chapel and then there are days when I'm not sure I could trace a stick figure.... the only difference between those days is my state of mind"~ Jenna Millward Corkill

Thankfully, today I am conquering the artist's angst... I am working on 4 separate canvases with really good results, and having a blast... but the day started with a big dose of self doubt.... only by taking a deep breath and getting the canvas wet did I overcome the fear ... and now I'm having a wonderful painting day... you gotta believe!

One of the paintings is for our granddaughter Emma and was supposed to be completed by her birthday, but that's not going to happen.... I'm not spoiling her surprise by mentioning it...she's seen the work in progress and loves it and is being very patient with me.

Her painting is almost done... which reminds me of another angst I struggle with... when is a painting really done?... Brian says Emma's flowers been done several times already, but I keep fine tuning them... often times I'll show him a canvas I've just tweaked and he has no idea what I added or changed.... I need to learn to be done sooner... now, back to tweaking Emma's flowers...LOL

"In my waking wrestling match with gravity, I am continually pinned, yet sometimes, in my dreams, I can fly! ... I know I am lucky, as this privilege, is not shared by all. ...Feeling almost weightless, I swoop and soar.....laughing in wonderment at the trees and seas below me...fearless...free...happy." ~Jenna Millward Corkill

Every now and then, i have dreams in which i am flying... so real i can almost feel the wind on my face as i soar... i am thankful for the gift of these dreams, they are magical and fun!... i don't know the catalyst for these flying dreams, and that's probably a good thing because if i did, i would probably be sleeping too much!

"There is more to life than increasing it's speed."~ Mahatma Gandhi

Blink and your children are grown... blink again and you have 9 grandchildren.Since i've retired, my pace has slowed considerably.... it's not a physical necessity, it's a conscious choice to take a more relaxed pace doing daily tasks.... when i was working and time challenged, these same tasks took a fraction of the time it takes me now....because now i stop and take the time to enjoy the simple things that come along throughout the day... a sort of ' stop and smell the roses' approach...i tell Casey i live a still life, and i love it's stillness....(not to be confused with boring, no, definitely not boring).... in comparing notes on retirement with Melanie, one of my best friends who retired 5 weeks earlier than me, we simply can't believe how much more time we take doing tasks we were once able to get done quickly.... because now, we allow ourselves to be sidetracked by all the nonessential wonderful things we once had no time for.

I am finding though, that i may be taking this slow paced thing a bit too far this Christmas and if i'm not careful, THE DAY will arrive and i will be totally unprepared... for us, THE DAY this year will be Sunday, the 21st...all the kids and grandkids are coming to Christmas dinner at our house and i'm not sure they will understand all this slow paced stuff if it doesn't look a little bit like Christmas' when they arrive.... i haven't done a single thing about Christmas yet except put lights on the tree....no shopping, no presents, no cards, no baking, heck, the tree's been up for over a week with just it's lights and the rest of the house is undecorated as well...totally uncharacteristic for me...i'm usually done with 90% of holiday preparations by now.

Me: we really need to get the ornaments on the tree soon and finish decorating the house

My brain: what's the hurry...we have time

Me: well, last week we may have had the time, but time is running out quickly, we've got visitors arriving next week, we haven't even started shopping or baking or....or......or.....

My brain: ok, ok, i guess we do need to get the tree done today, but first i think i'll... update my blog...or...(do just about anything else but decorate the tree or house)

Now don't get me wrong....i love Christmas and all the trimmings so i'm still not completely in touch with why i'm dragging my feet this year with this tree/house trimming stuff.... i think it feels a bit like work and being a retired florist has a lot to do with that....all the years spent decorating and trimming my shop and displays, getting the holiday centerpiece orders filled, keeping the fresh display cooler full of Christmas arrangements, etc..etc...etc.....i just think i'm a little burnt out on all that decorating and trimming stuff... it's just another task.... the first few years that i wasn't a working florist during the holiday season, it was fun turning all my attention to trimming our home...it was novelty to have the time to spend on home decorating and i loved it... but now, i want to simplify.... slow down....everything..... including Christmas.

All those active florists out there right now know the holidays are a wonderfully crazy time of year...heck, in my shop just watering the poinsettias took hours ( we had hundreds of poinsettias) ....and hundreds more of living pine trees in many shapes and sizes....and you can't just randomly give each plant the same drink or you'll drown some and deprive others...these are living plants and absorb water at their own pace... and a drowning plant presents with the same symptoms as a parched plant, so adding water could be the final blow... at the holidays, a florist's work is never finished, you literally run all day and you have to convince yourself to go home at the end of the long day, finished or not, or you would never sleep.

Definitely not a slow pace... definitely not still...which is why i savor this slow, still life i now lead... i guess i'll just have to accept that Christmas time will always be a bit hectic, but at least, for me, the retired florist, i can now look forward to valentines day, easter, and mother's day being happily taken at my new slower pace.

Well, i guess i've stalled long enough with this extra long post... it's time to get to the tree trimming... wish me luck.

...And the Patches Make the Goodbyes Harder Still...

Once I dreamed I was a butterfly, and now I no longer know whether I am Chuang Tzu, who dreamed I was a butterfly, or whether I am a butterfly dreaming that I am Chuang Tzu." -Chuang Tzu

"...AND THE PATCHES MAKE THE GOODBYES HARDER STILL" 2005

detail of 20" x 48" diptych

acrylic on canvas

SOLD

private collector, Marinal Del Rey, CA

This was a really neat painting... a large abstract diptych with realistic looking painted denim covered in both painted and real patches... a tribute to my favorite bluejeans from the '60's.

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time

You're only dancing on this earth for a short while

And though your dreams may toss and turn you now

They will vanish away, like your daddy's best jeans

Denim blue, fading up to the sky

And though you want them to last forever

You know they never will

You know they never will

And the patches make the goodbye harder still-

CAT STEVENS

detail of 'EVANGELINA' portrait

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."-Michelangelo

"EVANGELINA" 2008
16" x 20"
acrylic on canvas

I presented this portrait to Evangelina on saturday, july 19th, 2008, her 80th birthday!...this portrait journey began when her daughter, Rebecca, brought me a 60 year old photo and asked if i could do a portrait from it... if i had looked closely at that source photo and seen how poor the quality was, i might have declined, but i didn't... the challenges were great, but so too were the rewards... Evangelina was thrilled and Rebecca cried, saying i had captured her mother exactly as she remembered her as a little girl... a good day indeed!

"FALL SENTINALS"2007

20" x 24"

acrylic on canvas

SOLD

Amouyal collection, New York, NY

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. ~Bill Vaughn

"LENNON" 2004
24" X 24"
Acrylic on canvas
SOLD
Gilden collection, Ann Arbor, MI

"Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans."

-John Lennon

"I do not want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well."
-Diane Ackerman

"EMMA" 12/2003
acrylic on canvas

Our granddaughter, Emma, sent this quote to us today... here is a portrait i painted of her when she was nine...she is 14 now, the oldest of our nine grandchildren and a very talented songwriter, singer and actress... thanks Emma!

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

"AUTUMN FIELDS" 2007
18" X 36"
Acrylic on canvas
SOLD
Private collection- York, PA

The greatest achievements were at first and for a time dreams. The oak sleeps in the acorn.
-James Allen

"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you had everything to do, and you've done it."
-Margaret Thatcher