It's been a long time.

Sunflower revisited 2013
20" x 24"
Oil over Acrylic on canvas

Hello friends.

Perhaps you're a new visitor here or an old friend. Either one, I'd like to thank you for stopping in today.

Old friends will know that this Artblog of mine has been static for quite some time now. Two years ago, I became the full time caregiver for my precious husband Brian.

His cancer returned in March 2011 and the treatments and complications that arose, necessitated huge changes in my life. My mission was to try to save his life. Anything I could do to help, anything at all, I would happily do to keep this wonderful human with me for as long as possible.

That meant hanging up my paintbrushes these last 2 years as I've stood beside him in his fight for life.

And now, after a Bone Marrow Transplant on February 13th of this year, I am happy to report he's on the mend. And while, he's not 100%, he's getting better. And he doesn't need my constant care anymore.
 
Which brings me to today.
And this post. And this latest painting.
 
Brian still needs my care, but not nearly as much. Yet, with some free time to finally get my paintbrushes wet again, I was having trouble getting back in my studio. I found myself befuddled and fearful as to how or where I should start.

How was I to go about rediscovering myself as an painter, and finding a balance between caregiver and artist?

I simply couldn't seem to get started.

For the first year or so that I was away, I still 'thought' like an painter. Daily, I saw inspiration for paintings all around me, everywhere I looked. And, I'd have a good idea of just exactly how I'd translate those inspirations to canvas.

But, as Brian became more ill, and life became heavier, I started losing that painter's vision, and gradually the inspirations and hands-on knowledge of my medium faded.

You fellow artists know what I'm talking about when I say we see every little thing in the world through painters eyes. We see the way light plays with ordinary things, we see the magic in shapes and colors, the abstract of light and dark. It's a wonderful way to view the world. And we usually have a good idea of how we'd translate those visions into art through the medium of our choice. In the past, for me, that's been acrylic paint. I understood that silly, fast drying, paint. I understood my brushes. I knew how to get the look I wanted instinctively with these tools.

But now, after 2 years away, I was feeling a lot like a beginning painter again. I hadn't a clue if I could even still paint. I felt like I had forgotten how.

This scared me.
I mean, who knows, after such a long time gone, how that first painting would turn out?

And what did I want to paint?

Art is emotion and emotionally I am definitely not the same person I was 28 months ago. Cancer and nearly losing my Brian (several times) have changed the way I view the world. No way around that.
In the past, despite dark childhood baggage (the kind that some artists would use to fuel dark, introspective paintings), I've mostly leaned towards painting cheerful stuff.  
And, despite the toughness of these last 28 months, I'm pleased to find I still want to paint happy things.  If anything, I now want even more whimsy, more color, more life, more happy in my paintings.
 
So, I knew I wanted to paint something bright and colorful, but what would that be? Would I perhaps finish a previous work-in-progress that's been waiting patiently or would I begin with a new, start-from-scratch, fresh clean canvas?

Should it be big? or small? Abstract or realism? Pure whimsy or contemporary? And how about maybe trying oils now? The possibilities were endless, I just needed to face my fears and start.

And, while my fear that I'd lost my mojo was playing a big part in me not getting started, my biggest fear, was leaving Brian alone. It was downright paralyzing.

My studio is somewhat isolated from our main living area. And from past experience I know, when painting, I become completely absorbed in the process, unaware of time passing or things around me.
So, fear I'd get lost in a painting and perhaps not be aware if Brian suddenly needed me, continually wreaked havoc on me starting. I'd walk into my studio, then turn around and walk right back out so I could check on Brian. After being by his side non-stop for 28 months, I was finding it almost impossible to let go, paint, and have faith that he'd be fine.

So there I was. Befuddled. Fearful.
Ready to paint, but not painting.

Then it occurred to me, use your Artblog, silly. Launched in 2008, this blog is an old friend.
Before Brian became unwell, I'd artblogged regularly and loved sharing my painting adventures here.
So, I decided to brush the cobwebs off my static Artblog and use it as the catalyst to help me get started again. To get me painting again, to show me I can find the balance.

I can be a painter, and a caregiver.
I just have to start.

So, I set a goal, to get me off my fearful, befuddled duff and start painting again.
Ten days ago, I posted the following note at the top of my blog:

June 19, 2013-
After more than two years away, helping my hubby through Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, Myelodysplastic Syndrome and a Bone Marrow Transplant, I am full of questions. 
Can I still even paint? 
How has this incredibly emotional experience changed me, both as an artist and a human being? 
I know I'm changed, but have I lost, or have I've gained sight?
As my husband's health slowly improves, it's time I find out.
Using this Artblog as a catalyst to kickstart my painting again, I've set my first goal.
Post a new painting here before the end of June.
Can I do it? Can I find a balance between caregiver and artist? 11 days will tell.
Baby steps.

As this self imposed deadline rapidly approached, I was finally able to put together a few hours of studio time here and there these last few days and made the deadline.
It was a good exercise. Without this goal, I probably would still not have started.
Now, I can't wait to paint again!

No, I didn't start this painting from scratch, but I did put wet paintbrushes on canvas, and that was a huge step forward. 
I'd been curious for quite some time about using oil paints over an acrylic under-painting, but hadn't gotten around to trying it before B got sick and I had to put my paintbrushes away.
Not feeling very confident with my rustiness and a new medium (oil), I decided to rework an old sunflower painting I'd originally painted in 2009, one that I'd never really liked. I figured if I messed it up big time with my oil painting experiment, no worries.

Below is a photo of the way the 2009 acrylic painting used to look, and how it looks now with oil paint applied in areas over the old acrylic paint. I'm okay with the reworked sunflower painting now. It's colors are more subtle, and it's not as garish as it was, but it's still not on my list of favorites. Although, I do like it better than before.

After this first attempt at oil painting, the jury remains out on me using oil paints on any surface, much less an acrylic one. (Holy guacamole, this stuff is wet and messy and I'm not fond of the clean up, which requires strong smelling solvents).

It was an interesting, and somewhat amusing experiment. 
I had oil paint all over me because I kept forgetting it was wet. Then I'd have to use the odorless solvent (odorless? not!) to clean up. 
It was really quite comical. I had paint everywhere.

There were some things I really liked about the oils.  And I'm not giving up on them. 

But before I embark on any more oil painting experiments, my next few projects, as I try to regain comfort at the easel, will be done solely with acrylics, my truly odorless, water based old buddies!
Hopefully using a familiar medium will help me find my painting mojo again.

Btw, Brian was fine. I found small ways to keep in touch with him hourly so I wouldn't be so worried. Timers, monitors and such, gave me just enough connection to him to let me relax and get lost in painting for a few hours at a time.

And he was delighted I am finally back spending some time doing what I love. 

My husband, my hero.

 'You've Got A Friend'
16 x 20
Acrylic on Canvas
Detail of a work in progress.










I've always thought that the kids in this painting could've been me and Brian as kids, if we'd known each other back then.
He's my best buddy in the whole world.
And he's in a fight for his life right now.

I started this painting years ago and set it aside, unfinished. Perhaps because Brian didn't want me to sell this one, and I needed to be painting things that would help pay the bills.

I'm currently still unable to paint at all (as many of you already know) because of Brian's need for full time care. There was a nano second last month, where it looked like he was getting better and I thought I'd be painting again soon, but that was not to be.

He's really, really sick right now with a disease called Myelodysplastic Syndrome. He's transfusion dependent, unable to make blood on his own because of chemotherapy induced stem cell damage to his bone marrow.

He's also the bravest, toughest person I've ever known, facing each adversity with determination and grace.

So, I thought I'd send out this request, to all of my artblog friends and others who might wander in here for a visit.

For those of you who pray, I'd sure appreciate it if you could put in a good word for our Brian. Please pray that his bone marrow starts working again.

And, also, please ask that the painful peripheral neuropathy in his fingers, that's taken away his beautiful guitar playing, also heals.

We'd sure appreciate it. 

Click here to see his complete, up to date journey, chronicled as a subpage of this blog.

"Never take time for granted, and always, everyday, let the ones you love, know it, by your actions and your words." Jenna Millward Corkill

'Lauren and the Old Piano' 2003
Acrylic on canvas

Private collection- Tucson, AZ

This is one of three paintings I entered in this month's CFAI art challenge. Two of them star our granddaughter, Lauren.
Update 3/28- The March results are in and I didn't win, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Part of stepping outside my comfort zone this year is entering art contests and I'm doing just that. Who knows, someday, I may win one.
See all the CFAI entries submitted (including mine) here

This portrait is of three year old Lauren. She will be 16 next month, the 2nd oldest of our ten grandchildren. She is beautiful and talented young woman, who has starred in a few of my paintings. Fifteen year old Lauren is also the star of 'The Girl', a modern style portrait and another entry in the March contest. I am especially pleased that in the painting of the younger Lauren above, I was able to capture her Mom's piano and music books for posterity, as that piano is now gone and missed.

Now, on a different subject, I'm sorry to have to say, my wonderful husband, Brian, the light of my life, was told yesterday his Non-Hodgkins lymphoma has returned. 

We knew this day might come, as when they 'typed' his cancer in 2000, they told us the good news/bad news with his type of lymphoma was: 

• Good news-it doesn't like to metastasize. 
  
• Bad news-it was a persistent type that almost always comes back. 

The docs were hoping he would get 10-12 years of remission, saying that with the advances in cancer care, if/when it came back, they would have new medicines to fight it with. We got 11 years remission.

So begins another journey.

I'm not sure how much time I'll get to paint or post, but I hope I'll be able to find time to do both. I hope through this blog, to chronicle another success story for him. He has been my Superman, fighting cancer (twice) and heart disease this past decade, with courage, determination and grace. We've had three miracles and now pray for another. If any of you speak regularly with your higher power, please put in a good word for my/our Brian.

Tucson's tragedy

'Shortcake and Jen' 2005
24" x 24" x 1.5"
Acrylic on canvas 
SOLD
Walker collection- Ruffin, NC







click image to enlarge




I love my Tucson. I have lived here since I was 17 years old. 40 years this December.

Because of last week's Tucson tragedy, I won't be posting the second installment of 'A YEAR IN THE LIFE' quite yet.

The events that occurred here, a week ago today, have caught me so off guard, I've just been sort of going through the motions all week.

Our granddaughter's 11th birthday party was scheduled for that same day. While the kids played at the local pizza place, the adults' attentions were fixated on the TV screens mounted everywhere. It was surreal. In this noisy pizza arena, surrounded by dozens of simultaneous celebrations of life, we learned that one of the victims was a 9 year old little girl. Surreal...and so incredibly sad.

A word about our town. We are a vibrant, eclectic mix of cowboys, college kids, retirees, young military families and everything in between. And, we are the biggest small town you could ever live in. There's not even 6 degrees of separation here. I'd say about 3 at the most. Everyone here really does know someone who knows someone.

I hope my Tucson isn't to be remembered just for this horrible crime, but also for our wonderful townsfolk who showed us their amazing courage, their decency and the resilience of the human soul. We will never forget the victims, the survivors or the heroes.

We stand strong and proud of our city, bent by this forceful wind of crime, but not broken.

 Click image to enlarge

A New Year, replete with the promise of New Adventures!

...especially for this shy, hermit-like, self taught artist.

The last few months of 2010 have presented me with new opportunities I hadn't dreamed of. Artist Laurie Justus Pace invited me to join The Daily Painters of Arizona, for whom I'll be posting art weekly, and  Contemporary Fine Art International (CFAI), a fabulous group of artists.

Also in late 2010, while visiting the blogs of a dozen or so other artists, not only did I discover a wonderful world of online art, but these artist's refreshing insight and helpful hints as they chronicled their own painting adventures were entertaining, delightful and informative. I also discovered Leslie Saeta and Dreama Tolle Perry's weekly radio show chock full of valuable information to help other artists, appropriately titled Artists helping Artists.

As I was listening to one of the broadcasts, thinking about how I might apply what I was learning to my own artistic endeavors, I had an idea. Let me use their sage advice for a year and see where it takes me. That said, I've decided to launch 'A YEAR IN THE LIFE', a one year chronicle (2011) of this non business savvy, extremely shy, *AAADD afflicted artist's journey. Using guidelines, links and suggestions found on the weekly radio show 'Artists Helping Artists', and applying the vast array of information found there, I hope to step outside the comfort zone of my cozy studio and explore the world. 

From each broadcast, I'll take notes, creating a list of weekly/monthly goals to apply to my own art endeavors. Then, I'll keep you up to date, through this blog, on my successes as I go along.

How much growth can I achieve, artistically and personally? Can I increase my number of blog followers each week? Will my name recognition increase? Will I continue to grow my art sales, both online and locally? What successes will my January 2012 recap reveal?

Drop in now and then and follow my progress. I'll be sharing all the neat stuff I find.

So here I go!
A YEAR IN THE LIFE-  part 1

From the Artists Helping Artists  radio broadcast on 12/30/2010  - "Goals for 2011"

This show appropriately dealt with setting goals for 2011. It was the last show in a 5 week series on goal setting. There are many archived shows I haven't listened to yet, but plan to catch up on as soon as possible. I encourage all of you to check out these archived shows, conveniently found on their Artists Helping Artists blog.

Pour yourself a cup of your favorite brew, and get ready to learn. I'm taking notes and sharing what I'm learning. I'm not going to stick to any particular order of broadcasts, but rather, refer to their list of archived shows, and listen to what show will work best for me at the time.You'll be able follow my progress here on my 'YEAR IN THE LIFE' chronicle.

Now, as Leslie and Dreama, suggested, I'm sharing my list of:

2011 Art Goals:

• paint daily (explore new subjects)
• expand and create new 'series' works
• paint ahead (for my weekly posts on Daily Painters of Arizona)
• blog weekly (I'd actually like to blog bi-weekly, but we'll see)
• build my blog followers (currently at 18, can I hit 50 this year?)
• improve my portraiture website (it's embarrassing) 
• increase painting sales (list one painting a week minimum)
• build a client email list
• enter a painting competition (a first for me)
• enter one local exhibition (another first for me) 
• organize my studio (minimize the studio space my artglass uses)
• continue to add helpful resource links for other artists through this blog (how to, where to, etc)

There is wonderful calm that I have found as I've gotten older. My fears seem to be melting and instead of being afraid of how my paintings will be received, I'm excited at the prospect of sharing my paintings and hearing what others have to say.

 

I have found that there are many things that make me happy, but painting is one of those things that makes me happiest.

This new recipe of  2011 Art Goals sprinkled with a pinch of new found confidence, hold the shyness, has the potential for making 2011 a truly HAPPY New Year!

*AAADD-Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder :O)

click image to see detail



"Time flies, don't wait too long"2005
24" x 60" x 3/4" triptych
Acrylic on canvas
SOLD
Nucaro collection- Clive, IA

In 2005 I played around a lot with large abstracts. This is one of several triptych's I did that year. I don't have any photos of this painting on a flat wall. It is seen above with the left panel hung on a 45° angled wall. Also, large paintings have always photograph a bit distorted anyway, so I don't really have a true representation of what this painting looked like.

This painting is loaded with interesting features, including the feathered 'hourglass', which referenced the painting's title. Click on the image to see a larger version which will help you find the subtle text detail as well as soft feathers in the sky radiating from the center of the hourglass. Instead of sand, the hourglass has water, contrasting the desert landscape. 

At the time I was painting this, my husband Brian, a professional musician (singer and guitar player) was finishing up radiation treatment for vocal chord cancer. It was profoundly on my mind that we can't take for granted.....time. 

I am happy to report that this month marks 5 years of remission. And he proved all the docs wrong who said he'd be lucky to talk again, much less sing. He sings beautifully. His voice is a bit different and he lost some of his range, but there is a richness and soul in his singing now that reflects an appreciation for that which he almost lost completely. 

And his guitar playing while he was going through treatment, unable to speak, was something else again. He still performed every week onstage, and he let his guitar speak for him. It was magic.

On a different note, come the first of the year, I am starting a new painting and art adventure. I've had to create a secondary blog for this. Visit my new blog Millward Studios Fine Art  to see what's in store for me in 2011. And, as always, thanks for visiting today!

 click to enlarge

"THIRSTY" 2006
20" x 24"

acrylic on canvas

SOLD

Cardoso Iken collection, Manassas, VA

"There are days when I feel I could paint the Sistine chapel and, then, there are days when I'm not sure I could trace a stick figure.... the only difference between those days is my state of mind"~ Jenna Millward Corkill© 

Struggling again, with the day to day stuff. Trying to digest and come to terms with my daughter and her family moving away, taking the last 3 grandkids I have living here in Tucson to Colorado Springs. My son moved there 4 years ago and I still struggle with bouts of sadness, missing him and my other 7 grandkids something fierce. 

Modern technology, facebook, skype and such, will help keep us connected over the miles, but like Marvin Gaye sang years ago "Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby, ain't nothing like the real thing". I miss my kids and family!!

My daughter's potential departure has left me in a daze. I'm not mentally present when I'm painting and the canvas results reflect that. And while I am still working on several paintings, I did not get one finished this last week. I'm trying to use the "mind over matter' approach, but the matter ain't minding.

So, once again, to keep this blog visually interesting, I am posting a painting from my archives. This originally posted August 23, 2008 and features 'Shortcake, the strawberry roan' ©, taking a sip of water. 

Of the 3 paintings I'm currently working, one is a waterscape, with water vaguely similar to that found in "Thirsty". I'm hoping that swirling streaks of beautiful colors on canvas will help put these sad thoughts out of my head and let me get a painting finished.

a new look
My regular visitors to this blog will notice it's new look... for one thing, I've decided to start capitalizing letters again that are supposed to to be, capitalized....I'm not even sure why I stopped capitalizing, I just started doing it one day and the (bad) habit stuck for a few years. I am also using a new blog template. I like the soft green color.

Regular visitors have noticed that I haven't posted anything new since January of this year. ....well, that's about to change too as I'm headed back into the studio after taking a bunch of time off from painting to explore other things that interest me.

Painting is just one part of my life and it had once again taken a back seat while I nurtured those other interests... like my music... my garden.... and my family.

But even when I'm not painting, I'm thinking about painting, inspired by things in my everyday life that I know will make great subjects once I return to the studio... I've been taking photos... jotting down notes... and studying the colors and shapes of this beautiful world. All done knowing that, once I dust off my brushes, I'll have some exciting new ideas to explore.

Two things that have been continually beckoning me to paint them during this hiatus have been The Girl and the guitar... that's all I'll say for now... I'll let the paintings speak for themselves as they are posted.

Oh, and some of the works in progress from previous posts will get revisited, with a few of them hopefully getting finished once the brushes get wet again.

I think it might be interesting (for other *AAADD's like myself) to see the many incarnations some of my paintings go through. I try not to give up on a painting just 'cause it loses my attention.... but I will stop working on that painting until I get a new idea that excites me to continue. I get the best results when I'm enthusiastic about what I'm doing. Consequently, the look some of my painting's start out with, is vastly different from where they end up. This said, I think now would be a good time to add a photo of where the tornado painting is right now. It was the subject of my post in January, and it doesn't look anything like it did then. It's not finished yet, and who knows what the final painting will look like, but I'm telling myself it's not always the destination, but the journey, that counts. So far, Tornado Road has been the one less traveled, but fun, nonetheless. It's certainly turning out to be more colorful than I anticipated.



"Tornado Road"- a work in progress
I've added opaque shades of blues and violets over the warm Indian Yellow/Thio Violet washed under painting. I think greens and yellows will be next but that will depend on which one of my personalities shows up at the easel.

Note- I add labels to these posts, so to follow the progress of a particular work in progress, use the label feature at the bottom of this post, or the links found in the margin on the right.

*AAADD-Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder :O)

a question of balance

"Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."~ Robert Fulgram

Where did last year go?....it's a blur.

My studio and painting took a back seat for sure.... I only listed one new painting in my Ebay store... for lots of reasons.

I got more organized... went through years of life's paper scraps and souvenirs... got the VHS transferred to DVD... worked on organizing a lifetime of photos.

I spent time stretching my creative muscles on home projects....wall murals, carpentry and sewing.... I started and more importantly, finished, numerous things I'd been thinking about doing for years.

I spent lots of time with my musical interests... I played bass more... and I watched my husband make music.... his band played A LOT and I was at every gig....he really is an amazing singer and guitar player and watching him perform is one of my favorite things.

Painting can take up a good deal of my time... this time last year, I found that spending more time with Brian was at the top of my new year's wish list.... or at the very least, to spend less time in my studio when he is home... we are not promised tomorrow, and should not take for granted time spent with our loved ones.

The kitchen also took a bigger bite of studio time.... another 2009 goal was to start eating healthier which meant more time in the kitchen fixing 'good for us' food.

A snippet of my 2009 heaven on earth was sitting with Brian, on the couch, a plateful of yummy dinner balanced in our laps, watching all our tevoed telly faves... also his and her's remotes. :0)

But, I missed painting... I missed my studio... more than I thought.

So where the heck am I going with all this?

Well, there are things like the “couch potato evenings” or the "numerous gigs" or the “sharing the same book” stuff that I’ve gotta keep, but spending more time painting is high on my 2010 new year's list.

Because, after all, this is an artblog......I just have to find a balance. :O)

Brian Corkill, Bill Ronstadt, John Ronstadt, and Peter McLaughlin 

Sunset Serenade
One of the greatest blessings in my life is the way music is intertwined into almost every aspect of our day to day life.... my husband Brian is an amazing musician and makes music regularly with many other wonderful musician friends.... he plays five or six times a month with 'Still Cruisin', his oldies band and is a guest guitarist in several other groups.

The 'Still Cruisin' gigs are good, loud, fun with lots of dancing and visiting going on, but I think my favorite music times are the ones when we have gathered with our friends, at our home or theirs, and after a meal, instruments come out, chairs get pulled up, and music begins to fill the air... magical.

Last weekend, at a get together Bill and John Ronstadt set up to introduce their friend, Peter McLaughlin, to Brian, we went to Peter's house for pizza.... Peter has an authentic pizza oven that he built in his courtyard, so everyone brought a favorite topping or two, and we made amazing homemade pizzas... forget built in B-B-Q's!! ... this pizza oven was great!... hey, I'm a pretty good brick mason....hmmmm?? :o)

The music that evening was wonderful.... all of these guys are amazing singers and players...our new friend, Peter, is a national flat-picking champion and his folk songs were great (I love folk music!)....... singing together since they were kids, Bill and John's singing and harmonies are always amazing and their pickin' ain't bad either....John's wife, Jeanne, played accordion and added her own sweet harmonies.... in perfect weather, sitting on the patio overlooking Tucson as the sun was setting, watching the city's lights come on, listening to these fellows make their music, I was pretty sure I'd found a little of heaven on earth.

click images to enlarge

Yellow

Almost as if on cue, mother nature has decided to use the happiest color in the crayon box to tint our back yard... i can almost hear her saying "what we need here is a big burst of yellow to banish any remaining remnants of them pesky 'blues'...." ......thanks mom.

The view from my hammock is a study in yellow... the palo verde tree, cats claw vines, yellow oleander and an abundance of wildflowers are bursting with yellow blooms... heck, even the lemon and grapefruit trees still have some yellow fruit on them....it is so beautiful and serene... the birds are singing their spring songs and the temperatures are perfect!... someone pinch me.

Me, circa 1966, just after leaving Kendall (Florida's state run children's home)...My brother Geoff and I spent 1960-1966 there.
To see some serious freckles, click on image to enlarge.

This is one of only a handful of photos from my childhood that exist.... i was 27 when i saw, for the first time, photos of me as a baby and toddler.... never knew what i had looked like as a kid (except for vague mirror memories) ....... vastly different from the kids and young adults of today who have probably seen videos of their births. :o)

Ok, i know i was a little weird in my february 24th post.... but i have spent the last month wrestling childhood monsters back into their cave and i'm happy to report, they are once again banished.... i have won this latest battle and am feeling much, much better... i actually think, after 45+ years, i may have won the war... but, shhhhh, i don't want to jinx this... time will tell.

I think part of the catalyst for last month's melancholy was going through boxes of photos (from a previous life), along with old letters and such as i continue my quest to be more organized.... i opened boxes that had been sealed for a long, long, long time and a few of them had Pandora's name on them.

And just as Pandora did in her legend, i too, at the bottom of the box, found hope.

I also found a calm new strength and a wonderful stockpile of forgiveness... for those who hurt that innocent child so many years ago... and for me, for not always being strong enough to push on through the fears... i did the best i could.

55

Yesterday i began my 56th year... i still feel 30ish inside but mirrors scattered here and there throughout my world are always surprising me with a reflection that doesn't quite match what i think i should see... who is that stranger in the mirror?

Yep, it's me ...but the weird thing is i'm not really a stranger at all... i know more about myself now, than i ever have, even if sometimes i'm surprised by my own reflection... i feel blessed to have lived long enough to recognize lessons learned along the way, about myself and others... lessons that only reflection, seen from the perspective of different decades, can provide.

I've been amused witnessing cliches come true... yes, we do, in ways, become our parents, but funnier still is watching our kids become us (although i'm sure they would beg to differ..LOL).

I recently ran across a note i saved a long time ago about lessons learned in life (author unknown)... i've borrowed a few thoughts from that note and added a few of my own.... what follows are some of life's lessons i've learned from having the privilege of spending 5.5 decades living on this marvelous/perilous planet!

I've learned~ that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned~that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned~that you should never tell a child their dreams are foolish.

I've learned~that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned~that no matter how hard you will try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will hurt for them, no matter how old they become.

I've learned~that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned~that i really don't like paperwork, but ignoring it doesn't make it go away. The same applies to laundry.

I've learned~that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, you must learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned~that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned~that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world won't stop for your grief, but your friends will.

I've learned~that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned~that you can't make someone love you... all you can do is be someone who can be loved.

I've learned~heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of personal consequences.

I've learned~that sometimes i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't ever give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned~that the bounty of planting seeds of kindness throughout your life is priceless.

I've learned~that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes by people who don't even know you.

I've learned~that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned~that it's not WHAT you have in you life, but WHO you have in your life that counts.

I've learned~that true friendship continues to grow, no matter what.

I've learned~to trust that my God walks with me and gives me wisdom and strength.

I've learned~that prayer works.

I've learned~that it's taken me a long time to become this person i am today and i'm good with 55.

Wise words

A friend forwarded this email message to me with the standard footnote "send this to a gazillion friends in the next 2 nano seconds and you'll be hit on the head with amazing good fortune" ... i never forward these and i'm doing just fine thank you, but i often times really like the root message of these emails.... so today i'm going to include a few of my favorite lines from today's email.... hmmm , maybe i should go buy a lottery ticket or something...

~Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
~Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
~When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
~When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye and mean it.
~Talk slowly but think quickly.
~When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
~Live the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; & Responsibility for all your actions.
~When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
~Spend some time alone.
~Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
~Believe in love at first sight.

~click this image to see a larger picture! neat!
"FAMILY"
by Matthew Stricker

Friends and Family

Yesterday I went to my good friend Linda's surprise 60th birthday party... in what seems a lifetime ago, we had bought homes on the same cul-de-sac a few weeks apart in 1979 and raised our kids together there... Linda's son Matthew and her daughter Susanne were the same age as Chip and Casey and they became close friends right away, attending school together from kindergarten through high school....our kids really had fun growing up one house away from each other....and here it is almost 30 years later and they are still good friends.

At the party Sunday, I spent some time catching up with Matthew... I always knew he was artistic but I am amazed at his work... he belongs to an elite society of astronomy artists... only 70 world wide members ... his paintings are astronomically (is that a word?) correct and mesmerizingly (again, word?) beautiful....I added a link to his website in my blog's margin under 'OUR ARTIST FRIENDS'....He is also an executive chef at an exclusive restaurant in Tucson's Tortolita mountains... I bet his food not only tastes great, but looks out of this world!...Sorry Matthew, I couldn't resist saying that. :O)

"The Cole Zoo" Our son, Chip, and his family.



Said slowly with a distinctively beatlesque british accent......"number nine.....
....number nine.........number nine........"

Little Miss Rimona with her proud grandmother.
She's the youngest of our nine grandkids, and a little doll!

Can I paint a portrait for you?

I have decided to start accepting portrait commissions again after a small hiatus spent throwing paint at the canvas with no regard for capturing likeness... FUN!

There are a few of you who've been inquiring about when i was going to start scheduling new portrait commissions and that time is now... i appreciate your interest and patience as well as all your kind words about the portraits i've done in the past.

I also decided to launch a new little website to showcase some of my past portraits and other paintings...the website includes contact info as well as information about the process of commissioning a portrait, the fees and such.

This website stuff is really tedious, and sometimes frustrating for this non-geek, but i'm pleased so far.... it is definitely still in the fledgling stages, but viewable... and it's not fancy...no bells and whistles yet, but maybe someday as i learn... i think building this new website is helping to keep the neurons in my aging (not old!) brain connected... and it will also showcase available paintings as well as a sold gallery... i hope to add new paintings to my new web galleries everyday (in a perfect world) but i haven't seen brian for two days, picked up a paintbrush or even updated this blog because of this website building stuff!... so it may stay simple for a while.

If you're interested in a portrait, send me a note at jennacorkill@cox.net.
Visit my website http://sites.google.com/site/millwardstudios/millward-studios
today to learn more about commissioning a portrait.... traditional and alternative styles are available.

Also, please note that i am only going to do a limited number of portraits this year... portraiture is very time intensive with a deadline and brian misses me if i spend too much time in the studio... those of you who know us pretty well know that we have our priorities straight, something we learned when brian was sick... my # 1 priority is brian and spending time with him... never take time for granted, and always let the ones you love know it, by your actions and your words.

"In my waking wrestling match with gravity, I am continually pinned, yet sometimes, in my dreams, I can fly! ... I know I am lucky, as this privilege, is not shared by all. ...Feeling almost weightless, I swoop and soar.....laughing in wonderment at the trees and seas below me...fearless...free...happy." ~Jenna Millward Corkill

Every now and then, i have dreams in which i am flying... so real i can almost feel the wind on my face as i soar... i am thankful for the gift of these dreams, they are magical and fun!... i don't know the catalyst for these flying dreams, and that's probably a good thing because if i did, i would probably be sleeping too much!

The snowflake wish

The snowflake wishjenna millward corkill 2007©

You've heard it many times before,
though try as hard as you might,
out of a trillion, billion, gazillion,
you will not find two alike.
So imagine our amazement
while searching the winter sky,
we happened to see, oh could it be?!
twin snowflakes floating by!
We ran after them a shouting,
as we couldn't believe our eyes.
They turned around and smiled,
delighted with our surprise.
"Make a wish, hurry!" they laughed
"like you do on a shooting star!"
for seeing us is a special treat
and much more rare, by far!
So we closed our eyes and made our wish
of all good things for you.
Have a very Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year too!

To all our friends and family, far and near, Brian and I wish you a joyous, peaceful Christmas.


These are all photos of actual snowflakes taken with a photomicroscope.

The Christmas Treasure Hunt

When the kids were young adults, before their own families got larger, they would come to our house Christmas day... Along with a little gift, we would also give them a little $... to make that present really exciting, we started having Christmas treasure hunts to find the gift... the last treasure hunt was in 2002, after which the kids started staying at their own homes Christmas day, establishing their own family traditions with their kids... so no more Christmas at mom's, no more treasure hunts.

This year, Chip and Lisa and their kids are here in Tucson for the holidays... so along with Casey and Jason and their kids we had our Christmas dinner for everyone this last Sunday, the 21st..... we decided to surprise them with a treasure hunt for the grandkids.... Chip and Casey were overwhelmed with emotion as the grandkids found in their one giftbox to all, the envelope containing...

The 10 clues of Christmas~2008

T’was four nights before Christmas, at our grandparents house
Something magic was stirring, and it wasn’t a mouse
Clues had been hidden, for the grandkids with care
All the grownups could feel, excitement in air

Moms and dads smiled, when they heard these words read
Visions of treasure hunts past, danced through their heads
But this year is different, so parents, take a nap
Because this year it’s the grandkids, who will hunt for the map

So merry Christmas grandchildren, let’s have some fun
A new treasure hunt tradition, has just begun
Your parents will now watch you, with faces of glee
While you kids find the clues, that will lead to the key

There are nine of you grandkids, each has a clue all your own
And these clues will be hidden, throughout rooms in our home
Each child will be searching, for their very own clue
While the other’s all watch, to see what you do

Finding treasure hunt clues, might be hard for the little ones
But let them try for themselves 'cause watching them search will be fun
Big kids, can give hints, when the clues aren’t quite clear
For it’s true helping others, fills our hearts with good cheer

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all
The first clue can be found in a closet, in the hall

Found in the hall closet for~ Rimona (age 1)
Hey Miss Rimona, we bet you are glad
That you have the help, of some moms and some dads
Cause you’re not very tall, heck, you just started walking
And for you it’d be hard, to reach the red stocking

Found in a red Christmas stocking for~ Lennon- (age 3)
It’s your turn now Lenny, it’s all up to you
Frosty the snowman is hiding your clue
Under the Christmas tree is where he is at
And the clue that you seek is under his hat

Found in Frosty’s hat for~ Gianna- (age 5)
Now Miss Gianna, this clue’s for you
We’ll all be watching to see what you do
Will Santa ride in a car on Christmas day?
No, he’ll be riding in a GREEN Christmas sleigh!

Found in the green sleigh for~ Trevor- (age 5)
This next clue’s for someone and Trevor’s his name
The clue that he seeks hides in a fun X-box game.

Found in an x-box game for~ Kamea- (age 7)
It’s time for Kamea to find the next clue
We know you can do it, it’s all up to you
Sometimes we cough, sometimes we sneeze
And if our nose runs, we need one of these

Found under a tissue box for~ Aubrey- (age 8)
It’s your turn now Aubrey, to find the next clue
And it’s hidden inside a duck that is blue
He quacks as he sings, but that’s not all he does
He hides the next clue inside all that fuzz

Found in the blue fuzzy duck for~ Brina- (age 11)
Brina all treasure hunts past have had this one clue
And this year finding it, will be up to you
Is it up, is it down, is it here, is it there?
The clue that you seek is under a chair

Found under a chair for~ Lauren- (age 13)
This clue is for you, miss Lauren Jane
Ho ho ho’s what he says, hiding clues is his game
This may sound too easy, but it’s not all that
Just like frosty did earlier, he used his hat

Found in a Santa Claus hat for~ Emma- (age 14)
Emma, hooray! It’s now up to you
It’s finally your turn to find the next clue
Hanging somewhere that’s really not too hard to see
In a box you will find the map and the key

Found in a small box ornament on the hall tree garland for everyone~
Map and key to treasure chest!!!

We put little 'NO, NOT HERE' notes under most the chairs, also in every Santa hat, red stocking and box style ornament...except of course, for the correct chair, hat, stocking, box, which held the real clue.....it was so much fun when they'd find a note thinking it was their CLUE only to see 'NO, NOT HERE'.

The Treasure chest was hidden in the same closet as the first clue, so they went full circle...when the grandkids found it they were screaming with delight! They carried it back to the living room, and all 9 of them crowded around it as they used the key to open the lock and find their Christmas treasures...it was truly a magical moment when they lifted the lid and saw their gifts and beautiful scrolls, one for each of them with $$ at the bottom!

Hooray! Wow, you did it!
You found your own scroll.
With your prize at the bottom,
when it’s completely unrolled.

We hope that this gift,
will help you acquire.
A present you want,
a thing you’ve desired.

We’ve had a fun time!
You kids all did great!
You’ve all found the treasure
of Christmas 2008!




oh yes, i almost forgot.... even though my pace was slower, i got the house and tree trimmed with time to spare... i used the mantra 'less is more' and was quite pleased with the results.