Me, circa 1966, just after leaving Kendall (Florida's state run children's home)...My brother Geoff and I spent 1960-1966 there.
To see some serious freckles, click on image to enlarge.

This is one of only a handful of photos from my childhood that exist.... i was 27 when i saw, for the first time, photos of me as a baby and toddler.... never knew what i had looked like as a kid (except for vague mirror memories) ....... vastly different from the kids and young adults of today who have probably seen videos of their births. :o)

Ok, i know i was a little weird in my february 24th post.... but i have spent the last month wrestling childhood monsters back into their cave and i'm happy to report, they are once again banished.... i have won this latest battle and am feeling much, much better... i actually think, after 45+ years, i may have won the war... but, shhhhh, i don't want to jinx this... time will tell.

I think part of the catalyst for last month's melancholy was going through boxes of photos (from a previous life), along with old letters and such as i continue my quest to be more organized.... i opened boxes that had been sealed for a long, long, long time and a few of them had Pandora's name on them.

And just as Pandora did in her legend, i too, at the bottom of the box, found hope.

I also found a calm new strength and a wonderful stockpile of forgiveness... for those who hurt that innocent child so many years ago... and for me, for not always being strong enough to push on through the fears... i did the best i could.

Miami midnight stroll

click image for larger view

"Miami midnight stroll"2006
ACRYLIC ON 16" X 20" X 3/4" GALLERY STRETCHED CANVAS
SOLD
Curless collection, Cincinnati, OH

"...because it's scary out there"2007
ACRYLIC ON 16" X 20" X 3/4" GALLERY STRETCHED CANVAS
SOLD
Amouyal collection, New York, NY

My 'Threshold' paintings are a series of darker, moodier works that have helped me whenever childhood monsters surface. Fortunately, as I've gotten older, these paintings have become more rare.

"...because it's scary out there" deals with my agoraphobia, mild now compared to when I was in my 20's, but present enough for me to easily become more of a hermit than i am.

After an amazingly prolonged absence, they have returned... i am once again fighting my childhood's monsters... really? why do they, seemingly out of the blue, suddenly rear their ugly heads?...you'd think after four or five decades, i'd have figured out how to banish them permanently, but apparently not..... usually it only takes me a week or so to drive them back into their cave, but they seem stronger than usual... i sometimes wonder if i should share with my kids the darkness of my childhood, or if i am making the right decision to spare them the details.... they think they know me.... they do not.

I am wearing the face i keep in a jar by the door... i will be glad when i can put that jar away again, with it's lid tightly closed.

click image for a larger view

"Autumn Rooster" 2005
ACRYLIC ON LARGE 18” X 24" X 1.5" GALLERY STRETCHED CANVAS
SOLD
McCourt collection- Tucson, AZ

click image for a larger view

"White Gerbera" 2006
ACRYLIC ON LARGE 24” X 30" X 3/4" GALLERY STRETCHED CANVAS
SOLD
Private collection- Miami, FL

"I rarely feel 'over the hill' which is why i'm always caught a little off guard by how, sometimes, just a few words from one of my kids can make me feel 'over the mountain' :o)"~Jenna Millward Corkill©

55

Yesterday i began my 56th year... i still feel 30ish inside but mirrors scattered here and there throughout my world are always surprising me with a reflection that doesn't quite match what i think i should see... who is that stranger in the mirror?

Yep, it's me ...but the weird thing is i'm not really a stranger at all... i know more about myself now, than i ever have, even if sometimes i'm surprised by my own reflection... i feel blessed to have lived long enough to recognize lessons learned along the way, about myself and others... lessons that only reflection, seen from the perspective of different decades, can provide.

I've been amused witnessing cliches come true... yes, we do, in ways, become our parents, but funnier still is watching our kids become us (although i'm sure they would beg to differ..LOL).

I recently ran across a note i saved a long time ago about lessons learned in life (author unknown)... i've borrowed a few thoughts from that note and added a few of my own.... what follows are some of life's lessons i've learned from having the privilege of spending 5.5 decades living on this marvelous/perilous planet!

I've learned~ that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned~that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned~that you should never tell a child their dreams are foolish.

I've learned~that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned~that no matter how hard you will try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will hurt for them, no matter how old they become.

I've learned~that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned~that i really don't like paperwork, but ignoring it doesn't make it go away. The same applies to laundry.

I've learned~that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, you must learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned~that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned~that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world won't stop for your grief, but your friends will.

I've learned~that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned~that you can't make someone love you... all you can do is be someone who can be loved.

I've learned~heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of personal consequences.

I've learned~that sometimes i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't ever give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned~that the bounty of planting seeds of kindness throughout your life is priceless.

I've learned~that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes by people who don't even know you.

I've learned~that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned~that it's not WHAT you have in you life, but WHO you have in your life that counts.

I've learned~that true friendship continues to grow, no matter what.

I've learned~to trust that my God walks with me and gives me wisdom and strength.

I've learned~that prayer works.

I've learned~that it's taken me a long time to become this person i am today and i'm good with 55.

"Lennon" 2004

ACRYLIC ON LARGE 24” X 24" X 1.5" GALLERY STRETCHED CANVAS

SOLD

Gilden collection, Ann Arbor, MI

Wise words

A friend forwarded this email message to me with the standard footnote "send this to a gazillion friends in the next 2 nano seconds and you'll be hit on the head with amazing good fortune" ... i never forward these and i'm doing just fine thank you, but i often times really like the root message of these emails.... so today i'm going to include a few of my favorite lines from today's email.... hmmm , maybe i should go buy a lottery ticket or something...

~Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
~Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
~When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
~When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye and mean it.
~Talk slowly but think quickly.
~When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
~Live the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; & Responsibility for all your actions.
~When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
~Spend some time alone.
~Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
~Believe in love at first sight.

Believe;
intransitive verb
1 a: to have a firm religious faith ~ b: to accept as true, genuine, or real
2: to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something

"There are days when I feel I could paint the Sistine chapel and then there are days when I'm not sure I could trace a stick figure.... the only difference between those days is my state of mind"~ Jenna Millward Corkill

Thankfully, today I am conquering the artist's angst... I am working on 4 separate canvases with really good results, and having a blast... but the day started with a big dose of self doubt.... only by taking a deep breath and getting the canvas wet did I overcome the fear ... and now I'm having a wonderful painting day... you gotta believe!

One of the paintings is for our granddaughter Emma and was supposed to be completed by her birthday, but that's not going to happen.... I'm not spoiling her surprise by mentioning it...she's seen the work in progress and loves it and is being very patient with me.

Her painting is almost done... which reminds me of another angst I struggle with... when is a painting really done?... Brian says Emma's flowers been done several times already, but I keep fine tuning them... often times I'll show him a canvas I've just tweaked and he has no idea what I added or changed.... I need to learn to be done sooner... now, back to tweaking Emma's flowers...LOL